Perfectly Good Reasons These Baby Names Are Off-Limits
Steven: No way — that’s my boss’s name.
Isabella: Kevin from my D&D group and his wife are also having a baby, and they already chose that name. I know you love it, honey, but I don’t want it to look like we’re copying them.
Mary: Pass. I have an ex-girlfriend named Mary, who faked her own death to avoid breaking up with me.
Jackson: In my experience, Jacksons are usually jerks, like the one who towel-whipped me in the locker room every day in ninth-grade gym class.
Sharon: I have a racist aunt Sharon. Next.
Jade: She’s my friend who owns the theater where Mary and I saw Gone Girl for our one-year anniversary. During the credits, I leaned over to Mary and said, “Good thing you’d never fake your own death to escape me, huh?” but she just awkwardly laughed, took out her phone, and started browsing a site called fakedeathcertificates.com. And one month later, she unexpectedly disappeared — if only there had been some kind of warning sign!
Liam: Isn’t that one of this year’s most popular baby names? What if there are ten other Liams in our kid’s class?
Jacob: Yeah, no. My coworker Jacob knows we’re having a baby, and he might think we’re naming it after him. We’re pretty good friends but it’s not…
