Please Stop Bringing Morale Down By Talking About How Low Morale Is

It made me feel powerless to see how powerless you feel.

Matthew Thiele
Slackjaw

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Image courtesy of Tima Miroshnichenko via Pexels

Dear Esteemed Co-worker –

I was spying on your social media activity recently when I came across some troubling posts about how unhappy you are about being a team member here. I was super bummed to hear that your morale is so low, and I really want you to stop talking about it so that I can stop feeling bad about how much you hate your job. It made me feel really powerless to see how powerless you feel, and I was already feeling low because I recently had to sell my motorcycle. It was a Harley.

Imagine how bad I felt when I saw you complaining about all of the stuff that I’ve just been sitting here taking for the last four years. Now I look like a hypocrite and a jerk for talking about how great everything is. And if I start complaining now, I’ll look like a bigger hypocrite and a Johnny-come-lately. That’s why you will never EVER see me complaining when they make me chaperone Jerry’s daughter’s high school dances.

Think about how confused our customers are going to be if I say I love working here and you say it stinks. The people who buy whatever it is that we sell want to believe that we work in a glittering paradise where nothing bad ever happens and we all…

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Matthew Thiele
Slackjaw

Independent scholar and satirist. Published in Slackjaw, Points in Case, McSweeney’s, Ben Jonson Journal, and other fine publications.