Pros And Cons Of Adding A Third To Your Relationship During A Global Pandemic
#Throuple is trending. But so is #UKVariant.
Has ten months of quarantine with no definitive end in sight put a strain on your relationship? Have you settled into a comfortable but disturbingly predictable routine of texting each other screenshots of funny Tweets, binge-watching whatever is trending on Netflix, and having sex once a week unless one of you is tired, depressed, or feels “a bit of a tickle” in your throat?
Maybe it’s time to add a third to spice things up! Throughout this entire fiasco, you’ve been on top of whatever is trending. If it’s on your IG, you’re on it! Tiger King, sourdough, The 52 Hike Challenge, Instant Pots, and chess: you’ve tried it all. Maybe it is time to try being a #throuple. It’s what’s trending hard right now.
But before dragging the next Door Dash delivery person into your one-bedroom apartment that can’t possibly really be 1,080 square feet, you should explore the pros and cons of adding a third to your relationship:
Pro: The exciting newness of it all will inevitably lead to a lot more sex.
Con: You just started Bridgerton, still have two episodes of Cobra Kai left, and don’t forget about seasons 5–7 of Alone in your queue. Plus, you haven’t even started your TikTok sea shanty yet. You’re not sure if you really want to take time away from all of that right now to find out how a new lover may open new doors for you.
Pro: Looking for this third on Tindr/Scruff/Bumble/Grindr will expand your finger’s range of motion with exciting new horizontal swiping gestures instead of the usual vertical doom scroll movement.
Con: You’ll eventually need to graduate from swiping to chatting. Your chat skills are a bit rusty and peppering flirty questions like “Are you a camo neck gaiter, or N95 type?” with public health essentials such as “How long do you spend at the grocery store?” is not for the out of practice.
Pro: You’ll try exciting new things and discover parts of your body you didn’t even know existed.
Con: When you take a highly advised COVID test before hooking up, that nasal swab will also alert you to parts of your body you did not know existed.
Pro: “Throuple” will give you something new to Google besides “UK Variant,” “Instant Pot recipes,” “the 25th,” “was Queen Charlotte really Black?” and “tickle in throat deadly???”
Con: You’ll find out it’s more complicated than you may be ready for. There are guidelines, Facebook groups, and the risk of emotions — something you truly have not had to deal with in the past 108 days.
Pro: A new person in your relationship means new recipes — goodbye tired rotation of Instant Chicken, Instant Chili, Instant Lasagne, and Thai delivery.
Con: More dishes to wash.
Pro: Another person to wash the dishes.
Con: You know who’ll end up doing all the dishes.
Pro: Doing dishes is a sure way to get some “alone time.”
Con: While you’re alone doing dishes, the third may be forming a deeper bond with your partner.
Pro: You’re pretty tired of your partner, like, 318 days of nonstop togetherness equals the average ten-year relationship already, maybe it would be okay if they ran off with this new person, maybe they’ll finally appreciate you when their dishes pile up and they have their first big blow-up with this new person about whose turn it was to do dishes.
Con: You don’t know the passwords to Comcast, Netflix, or Hulu.
