Questions We Have About The New Buffalo Wild Wings’ Doritos Flamin’ Hot Nacho Sauce
Q: With its arresting bright red color and shocking tang, is there any truth to the rumor Doritos Flamin’ Hot Nacho Sauce contains actual blood?
A: Yes.
Q: We assume Doritos are also involved?
A: Doritos are technically an ingredient, but we like to think of them more of an accessory.
Q: What is responsible for the “Flamin’ Hot” super-hot Scoville heat measure rating?
A: Most of the ingredients are secret, but various acids used in manufacturing settings do play a role.
Q: Who is responsible for this unholy collusion?
A: He goes by many names.
Q: If I were to order this off the menu, what happens next?
A: Your meal will be prepared by a cloaked druid team. It will be transported to your table under a discreet food covering. Privacy screens will be erected around your table, waivers will be signed, bibs positioned around your parties’ necks, and when the proper incantations have been read, your blood feast may proceed.
Q: I have a severe health condition that discourages me from eating blood. Will you tell my doctor?
A: Your secret is safe with us.
Q: What kind of beverage pairs best with blood-soaked wings?
A: Any Yankee piss will do. We recommend Coors Light.
Q: My doctor says I’m iron-deficient, would you recommend the Flamin’ Hot sauce to correct this imbalance?
A: Just ask for the “Extra Bloody Sauce” and all imbalances will right themselves.
Q: I’ve noticed the Extra Bloody Sauce looks pretty much just like the regular Flamin’ Hot Sauce. Is it really the same thing?
A: Though the blood sauces look similar, the Extra Bloody Sauce comes from imported Romanian chickens whose blood is more succulent.
Q: Was either sauce ever featured on the popular show Hot Ones | First We Feast?
A: Flamin’ Hot debuted on the show in February. Moby was the first celebrity guest to sample it. Sadly, Moby was not of sound enough constitution to handle our robust, fiery sauce. He spent two weeks in a hospital where he was treated for severe gastric and psychological trauma after he learned his meal was not authentically vegan. Since then, the sauce has become a staple for all non-vegan guests. Charlize Theron loves it!
Q: Can I get an order of Flamin’ Hot to go?
A: Buffalo Wild Wings is not responsible for any pagan blood wing ceremonies which do not take place in our rigidly-controlled sports-themed restaurants under direct supervision of our specially-trained druid team members.
But sure.
