Re: My application for Airbnb Experiences

Only the best album OF ALL TIME

AirBnB Experiences are excursions or other activities designed and led by local hosts. Hosts give guests unique access into places and communities in their city. All experiences can range from workshops to long treks, and are available for various skill levels and interests. AirBnB

Dear Sir or Madam:

I am following up again on my most recent application for AirBnb Experiences. I understand that several of my prior applications were rejected for failing to meet AirBnb’s (rather strict) criteria. With reluctance, I withdrew my applications for both “Sex Work 101” as well as “Orchids: Maybe They Are Actually God?” I’ll be quite honest, the commune farm is just not bringing in the same level of income since about 1979, so I’d really like to supplement my retirement and addiction to macrame with an AirBnb Experience.

I feel strongly that my currently proposed Experience is a good fit for your brand, so please allow me to provide some additional detail.

As per my application for “Pink Floyd Extravaganza,” you are aware that the Experience would easily correspond with either the “Music” or “Entertainment” Experience category. You are also likely aware that Pink Floyd formed “across the pond” in London, England. (This is the type of authentic banter that people will encounter with my Experience!) Thus, my Experience is a perfect fit because it will take place in my delightfully underrated hometown of London, Arkansas.

The Experience focuses on Pink Floyd’s most famous album, The Wall. To set the mood, enthusiastic “Experiencers” will first enjoy a reasonable dose of LSD. (Note: I purchase my LSD from only the most quality distributors on the dark web.) As we wait for the drugs to take effect, Experiencers will be treated to fish ’n’ chips from Fat Daddy’s BBQ of London.

As “Another Brick in the Wall, Part 1” plays on my Jensen-brand boombox, hallucinating Experiencers will now participate in the symbolic building of a brick wall. (I have attached blueprints for your reference.) The brick wall will measure approximately 22 feet in height and 10 feet in width, and will take approximately 6 hours to complete. Pink Floyd’s most infamous song will play on repeat thanks to my Jensen boombox’s reliable auto-replay function — until the wall is done. I will, of course, provide trowels and grout bags, unless Experiencers prefer to use their own personal tools.

Once the wall is complete, we move onto the next activity. Per my personal favorite song, “Run Like Hell,” Experiencers will now enjoy a leisurely 8k. To facilitate the activity and the true spirit of “The Wall,” I will run behind Experiencers, dressed as a Nazi and wielding a scythe.

Experiencers will then bathe eleven (heritage pork-producing!) Gloucestershire Old Spot sows. I am guessing that this particular activity may have been what tripped up my application. I realize now that “Pigs” is actually a song from the album Animals, not The Wall, and am completely open to feedback on or adjustment of this particular fallacious component. Hmm. Perhaps instead of sows, Experiencers could bathe my mom, after Track 6’s “Mother.”

Finally, the experience will culminate from a surprise visit from Roger Waters himself! (My buddy from the Jiffy Lube, Todd, in a black wig. Todd does a surprisingly accurate Surrey accent.) For obvious reasons, I did not include this particular activity in my Experience description so that guests will be truly surprised by the presence of this guitar legend. Todd will proceed to tune his 1987 Yamaha for 45 minutes, followed by a 5 minute Q&A.

Thank you once again for your time and consideration. I strive very hard to meet AirBnB Experience standards for credibility, genuineness, and empathy. I would love to talk to you further about next steps to bring my vision to life.

Best,

Bob Holloway

London, Arkansas

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