Reasons To Believe My New Boss May Be The Devil

1. For lunch every day he brings a Tupperware full of desperate, piercing screams.

2. He calculates expenses and profit margins in souls instead of dollars.

3. In meeting notes, he always writes “devilables” instead of “deliverables” and “sinergy” instead of “synergy.”

4. His mug says “Hell’s Best Boss” and is scalding hot even when empty.

5. On casual Friday, he wears a cloud of sulfur and a two-headed snake scarf.

666. Whenever he prints something the paper flies out of the printer and turns into zombie bats.

7. Instead of carpet, his office has a boiling lake of lava.

8. On his calendar, he has a recurring event called “perpetuate misery and suffering of all damned souls.”

9. Whenever he messages me flaming spirits encircle my screen.

10. He asked me to do something at 4:57 on a Friday.