Reasons Why I Can’t Attend Your Party
It’s not because I don’t want to go.
Published in
2 min readMar 11, 2023
- I’m attending an even cooler one that definitely exists.
- This cooler party — that again, is totally real — has an unlimited supply of Doritos.
- I’ll have exclusive access to the unlimited supply of Doritos because no one else wants my Doritos.
- No one else wants Doritos because no one else will be in attendance.
- Yes, my cooler party that is 100% legit has a guest list of one and that one person is me. This is a new party craze sweeping the nation. Solo parties. Look it up. It’s a thing.
- Okay, so technically the invite list is two if you count non-human guests. Pixie, my dog, was invited because she knows an important person who also invited her to this party.
- No, this is NOT an excuse to stay at home and cuddle with my dog while we eat snacks and watch true crime documentaries all night. This is an authentic Fête Avec Moi Et Mon Chien Seul party, ohhhhh-kay??? They have these parties in France all the time. Ever heard of France?
- How d-aaaaaa-re you? I am not a compulsive non-truth teller. C’est vrai! C’est vrai! I am merely a busy woman with lots of social events on her calendar who speaks French when she feels defensive.
