Recommended Jobs Based On Your LinkedIn Profile
Social Media Manager
Your profile indicates that you work in a creative field. Much like your parents, we now have just enough details about your career goals to completely misinterpret them. Though it seems like you are primarily a writer who wouldn’t know a social media best practice if it hit you in the face, we think you should apply to manage MrBeast’s TikTok.
Volunteer Podcast Producer
We noticed you’ve been searching for podcast jobs lately. The bad news is that your complete lack of audio experience makes it unlikely that anyone would pay you to produce their podcast. The good news is that we found a podcast host who can’t pay anyone and, for some reason, we allow postings for non-paying jobs on this jobs website.
Corporate Improv Instructor
In a decision we can only describe as ill-advised, your college extracurriculars are still listed on your profile. You should know that this allowed us to look up your former improv troupe and watch some deeply embarrassing YouTube videos. But hey, maybe you want to get back out there by teaching a refrigerator sales team how to “Yes, and.”
Production Assistant
At first, you’re going to think this is a job related to your industry. That’s really going to send you into a tailspin. You’ll ask yourself why you’re getting recommended an entry-level position in a field you’ve worked in for years. You’ll consider changing your career. You’ll look up the price of a home in some nice mid-western city. You’ll Google “what’s a mortgage?” But don’t worry, the reality is that we are deeply confused by keywords. This job actually isn’t in your industry, nor is it even in this country. Whoops! Maybe you’d like to try LinkedIn Premium?
Hunger Center Administrator
In a panic just now, you searched “jobs good for world.” Starting tomorrow, all of your recommendations will be slightly skewed towards jobs that you are unqualified for and won’t apply to. We suggest you scroll through them during a burst of goodwill before slamming your laptop shut in horror upon reviewing the expected pay range.
NASA Aerospace Engineer
In the skills section of your profile, your mom just endorsed you for “math.” Despite all evidence to the contrary, we think you should give rocket science a try.
Recipe Developer
You recently typed “what to do with acorn squash” into our search bar thinking it was Google.
Creative Director
We don’t actually understand what these people do but if there’s any way you can quickly manage to harness the confidence of a man who won an award once (doesn’t matter for what), this could be the job for you.
Feral Dog Behavior Coordinator
One day, you’ll look back and wonder what you have to show for a lifetime spent as a creative. The answer will be pitch decks. The truth is you possess zero hard skills and your hundreds of hours spent in “creative brainstorms” count for nothing. However, when it comes to managing intimidating personalities, you are an expert. Combined with your innate ability to sense when the men around you need to be told they’re doing a good job, you’re actually the perfect candidate to train feral dogs.
The feral dogs are not exactly the same as creatives trying to win a pitch. For example, the dogs will never call you into a meeting just to ask you to provide a “female perspective.” But rest assured, they will act in a manner so stress-inducing that you’ll start to question your own reality.
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Secret Service Agent
Assistant to Woman Who Hates Other Women
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