Screw, Marry, Kill: The Expansion Pack
Are you bored with the standard-edition version of the game, Screw, Marry, Kill? Does only having three options leave you feeling creatively unsatisfied? How infuriating is it that no matter who you’re presented with, your friends know exactly who you’d screw, marry, and kill without you having to say so?
Introducing the Screw, Marry, Kill: Expansion Pack. The newest spin on the hottest game.
With the expansion pack, you’ll no longer be limited to just one action. For example, you may find you want to screw and then marry someone, or marry and then screw them. That’s perfectly acceptable. You may also find a strong desire to marry and then kill someone, or kill and then screw someone, which probably has many real-life implications you would be unwise not to discuss in therapy. Aside from being a fun & quirky game, Screw, Marry, Kill: Expansion Pack also exposes truths about yourself the standard edition never could.
Another addition to the game is new actions. Screw, marry, kill — what were we, cavemen? There’s so many other things we want to do to people now!
Say your workplace crush is one of your options. Maybe there’s a good reason you don’t want to marry, screw, or, God forbid, kill them. Why don’t you instead Watch From Afar With Binoculars?
Or perhaps you’re presented with a difficult decision between two people you like equally. Obviously you can’t marry both of them! Instead, why don’t you Perform Electrical Heterotypic Cell Fusion, fusing the two into one perfect being? Or maybe you’d rather Force to Fight to the Death For My Affection. Or, heck, perhaps you want to try something a little different and Enter the Fourth Dimension, Where the Only Discernible Difference is That Polygamy Is Universally Accepted?
We’re well aware that some people are going to say that the expansion pack doesn’t have the same heart as the original game. That what made the original game so fun was in fact its simplicity. To that I have to say: if they were one of my options in Screw, Marry, Kill: Expansion Pack, I wouldn’t hesitate for a second in choosing Cut Out Tongue. Lobotomize might be a fair choice too, but clearly that person didn’t have a brain to begin with because the expansion pack is way more fun than the original game.
We’re also well aware that Screw, Marry, Kill has long been a game to make people consider what celebrities might be like if they were human. In picking between three celebrities and three simple but distinctly different actions, players were forced to think about what a celebrity might really be like based on their public persona, i.e., what they would be like if they were an actual person and not a divine being forever out of our reach.
With the expansion pack, we’ve taken this a step further. We have thousands of hours of unedited footage of celebrities in their private homes, and you can find it on our website after calling and confirming you aren’t the FBI where we will then give you a long and unique URL you will have to open using a VPN.
You’re of course still free to just “imagine” what these celebrities might be like, assuming you’re okay with living in willful ignorance.
We hope you’ll enjoy all the wonderful additions we’ve made to the game. You can find a full list of actions on page 5. (Please note that some actions cost extra. If we catch you using actions that you haven’t paid for, there will be consequences.)
Keep an eye out for our next project, LIFE: After Death, an expansion pack to the popular board game of the same name.