Secrets To Winning NPR’s Tiny Desk Music Contest
Your band’s big break is here,
Of all the unknown bands in the history of unknown bands, it is YOUR unknown band that deserves to make it big. But how to shrug off the leather vest of anonymity? Enter NPR’s Tiny Desk Music Contest! Here’s how:
Read The Contest Rules
The rules require that you submit a video of your band performing behind a desk. Double check that your desk is not in fact an armoire, credenza, fainting couch, curio cabinet, Murphy bed, waterbed, toddler bed, or sperm whale.
Know Your Audience
Listen to the music actually played on NPR. It’s obvious to the judges when an entrant has never so much as heard of a radio.
If you are already a regular NPR listener, stop changing the station during pledge week. Karma is a bitch. Besides, it has never been easier to support your local station.
Choose The Right Song
NPR listeners like to think of themselves as a cultured bunch. Let’s say you have two songs that, musically, ought to impress the judges equally. One is called “Rondo in E Flat Major for Late-Stage Capitalism” and the other, “Horseshit Hoedown.” Which is more likely to warm the hearts of fans tailgating a live taping of Fresh Air?
Hone Your Look
Every member of your band should sport four of the following five items: corncob pipe, pillbox hat, catcher’s chest protector, neckerchief, faux sperm-whale-skin suit.
Set The Stage
Familiarize yourself with the current Tiny Desk and its environs. Yes, they appear to have been assembled by a funky blind raccoon. Try replicating this in your own video by stuffing a bookshelf with all the “crap” (their words) you promised your partner you’d throw away before you moved in together, but which you secretly kept in a box labeled “GRAD SCHOOL APPLICATION MATERIALS.”
Practice Your Witty Banter
When you win the contest and perform your live set, you’ll need something to yap about when it takes Trevor eight minutes to retune that vintage 1902 cigar box guitar. Start a sixteen-minute story and then reassure the audience that the next song’s lyrics will reveal its conclusion.
Nail Your Performance
Ideally, you will have thirty to forty people in your band. Seeing that many people packed behind a tiny desk is hilarious. But don’t overdo it. When Arlo’s trombone slide punches through Veronique’s bass drumhead — though you may have hit comedy gold — your sound will suffer.
Don’t Forget The Wow Factor
Although a sperm whale is not a desk, if you have a sperm whale, you should definitely include her in your video. But only if she can tell the difference between a faux sperm-whale-skin suit and a real one, as a desk when bathed in sperm whale tears might easily be mistaken for a credenza.
