Sheriff Flirts With A Tumbleweed That Has Juicy Feminine Lips

It sure is lovely to be in the presence of a circular goddess like yourself in that dust pile there.

Robert Criss
Apr 9, 2020 · 4 min read
Photo by Luismi Sánchez on Unsplash

Well, I thought I done seen everything there is to see in this town here. But never did I ever see a woman come into the station like the way you done today. Rolled in with the wind just as the door was closing behind the gypsy I turned loose. Bounced off them walls and chairs and came to a stop right in front of me after nearly getting yourself stuck between them jail bars.

I didn’t believe that daughter of a gypsy havin’ mother when she read my fortune but I’m starting to. Said I’d be meeting a fair, young lady today.

I suppose they invented lipstick for your lips in particular there. I suppose you look just as nice as a man on his knees could ask for. And what better place than being on your knees to get comfortable with a lady like yourself on the floor there.

Before you go on speaking your piece, I just want to say that it sure is lovely to be in the presence of an ephemeral, circular goddess like yourself in that dust pile there. That’s a word I know ‘cus I doggone learned it in the paper book I been reading on the toilet.

You reporting a crime, Miss? Lemme guess, you is. Who do I owe the pleasure of committing them crimes so I could watch you disperse seeds all over my office this windy afternoon? I reckon it’s them Boughton Boys always up to no good. Always fooling me into falling in love with feminized objects, they is.

You gotta speak up. Cain’t hear so good with these ears here. No better than a 10 cent mule, these ears I’ve got.

Seeing that it’s been about twenty minutes since I asked, based on the shadows getting taller, I suppose them big red lips is for show. Ain’t no sound been made from you except rustling on the floor. You ain’t much of a talker and I admit that I ain’t much of a listener. If you and I ever went together, without suggesting anything foul, I think we’d make a good match. Shoot.

Well, I think you did the right thing coming here instead of that crooked Mayor’s house up there on the hill overlooking the gully and thereabouts. He’s married anyhow. Not that you’re searching. Just something noteworthy.

And it’s best you didn’t go down to the old Reverend in the mineshaft. He ain’t been the same since he was kidnapped by Mohawks and thrown in front of a wagon train when they figured out they snatched the wrong fella. He just sits there in the darkness, babbling and carrying on about Lord knows what. Men like that ain’t of service to a round lady like yourself sitting pretty on them wooden planks there.

So you did the best you could for your circumstances and traveled on down to where I’m posted every day. That’s why I was elected, to help people in their troubles. You might say I help the helpless in fear for their lives. You might say something else and you’d be entitled to it. Or you might say nothing which is why I’m growing to like you, Miss.

It’s getting late in the evening so I best escort you home ‘fore the sun changes places with the moon. Unless you’d like to hide out from them Boughton Boys causing mayhem to me and other do-gooders of this town like yourself. I’m going to open this window here so we can look up at the stars together.

Where you headed? Is it customary where you come from to rush out an open window like that or is there a train you’re trying to catch? Whatever their customs is, you’re in a plumb hurry to get there. Practically matching the speed of the wind.

Never got to ask if you were the one on the other end of the telephone when someone called me up earlier. I says, “Who is this?”and got no response which means I been either hoodwinked by a Boughton Boy or talking to you. Fooled this whole time or graced by a tumbling beauty that came and went. Heck.

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