Signs This Group Is Definitely Not A Cult
We prefer the term “self-supporting collective of absolute devotion.”
The sashes we’re wearing are colored with all-natural vegetable dyes.
The sheets on the bunk beds are made from organic cotton. So are all our matching pajamas.
We only eat what we grow ourselves from seeds we collected while dumpster diving because we care about the Earth.
Or what we can buy at Costco with Derrick’s mom’s membership card.
We LOVE our members like no one else in their whole lives ever has before!
It’s not our fault that everyone’s family members and former friends are all toxic and we are all better off not having any contact with them.
It could be a coincidence, but the most likely explanation is that all of society is wrong and the 37 of us gathered here are the only humans on the planet that have found a way to live truly authentically.
This fact is a cause for celebration. We all agreed that the celebration should begin with a 37-day water fast, by everyone except those with the red sashes.
Lots of people say they care, but we truly care about one another.
