Six Ways You Experience Christmas If You Grow Up Jewish
Perspectives from the Chosen Tribe.
1. Christmas is the festival of Chinese restaurants
As a Jew who spent my childhood Christmas breaks in the Rocky Mountains, I can tell you that in every dinky corner of America, there’s always a Chinese restaurant open on Christmas. The owners normally exist in a Twilight Zone where they have no idea that this is the most significant day on the calendar, and you’ve never been so thankful for egg rolls and moo shoo chicken, because it’s either that, or beef jerky from the gas station.
2. Christmas is something we’ll probably never understand
As Jews, we hear so many Christmas songs, and the more we hear, the less sense they make. What’s a manger? What’s a herald angel? Do the regular angels temporarily get re-assigned to herald duty as needed? Why would someone who just gave birth want a visit from three kings? I get why I’d want to be interrupted from childbirth by someone bringing gold, but why do the guys with frankincense and myrrh get equal billing? At least our songs (and no, the Adam Sandler one doesn’t count) are to the point. When we sing “oh Channukah, oh Channukah, come light the menorah,” it’s pretty clear what you’re supposed to do…
