Slackjaw
Published in

Slackjaw

Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

Slackjaw’s Editor Picks of 2018

Perhaps no phone has been more eagerly anticipated this Fall season than the Unisonic 6900 Clear Telephone. The see-through skeleton made of durable plastic reveals the candy-colored electronic components contained within, bringing the user closer than ever to the heart of this decade’s bodacious telephonic revolution.

Lady Macbeth: “I’m an ambitious woman seeking an ambitious man, if you don’t have the balls to ask for a promotion at work or murder your way to the top then don’t bother sending a timid “hi”. Not interested.”

You can curse with it and critique with it. There’s good and there’s bad, and though we won’t always give one, we’re almost always happy to take one. Most of us will never eat it, despite that on occasion it may be suggested we do.

The first thing you notice about Cats is that there are a lot of cats.

You expect some cats in a musical called Cats, one or two perhaps, but this is excessive. From the moment the curtain opens the place is knee deep in them.

I mean, they’re everywhere.

As this simple invitation escapes my lips steadfast and with fervor, I know with certainty a gentlemen’s discord is nigh. I shall regale you of this tale from its beginning, but know it is a tale pregnant with rancor and violence.’

Ah, here we are somewhere in the mid-to late first act of this action thriller, campy horror, or brooding romance film and the sexy, rugged male protagonist has taken off his shirt for some reason. Maybe he was showering or changing or just taking off his shirt to walk around because they do that, but regardless the act has revealed some sizeable scars covering his ripped back.

All four members of the legendary rock and roll group The Beatles — John Lennon, Paul McCartney, George Harrison, and Ringo Starr — are non-girls and non-women.

I don’t like it at all. Which is why we’re going to add a girl Beatle.

About 10 minutes into my run, I raised my arm to wipe my brow and all hell broke loose. The deodorant and my perspiration were reacting, and the resulting mixture went airborne.

Assets of THE SEA, sea:

1 million known species of marine life

Expanse of unknowable mystery

Water

Great Barrier Reef

Other, less great barrier reefs

The day’s programme began with a so-called Welcome Breakfast. Hale and hearty children gathered round a conference table, plying themselves with cakes and sweets, not an Oliver Twist in the bunch. Beside them their guardians, backs permanently bent from their labours, imbibed that fortifying beverage so conducive to the average adult’s functioning.

The Curse Of The Dead Phone
Ashley just got lost — in the middle of downtown Denver. One minute, her perfect Samsung Galaxy s9 was directing her to the movies using the life-saving GPS app. The next minute, the phone just died.

Thanks again to all the writers who have submitted to Slackjaw in 2018. Our quirky little corner of Medium wouldn’t be what it is without you.

Let’s do it again in 2019!

--

--

--

Medium humor. Large laughs.

Recommended from Medium

Play Cards Io

Play

Will this be our busiest month of the year?

How to Change in Three Different Ways

Rhinestone Crystal Wedding Hair Clip for Girls

Throwback Thursday Motivation X

Marble Run

Spleen

the squirrel in the yard

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store
Slackjaw

Slackjaw

Your source for the Medium funny.

More from Medium

If Other Professionals Were Paid Like Writers

Quiz: Are You At a Super Bowl Party or The Belladonna’s 5th Anniversary Party?

The Foretelling

4 Ways to Recharge Your Writing Habit