So You Want to Unsubscribe

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You were brought to this page because you indicated you’d like to unsubscribe from the email list for postpixonline.com, the internet’s #6 destination for blasting photos of your vacations and fancy meals into the void.

Please check which of the following applies to you:

• I wish to receive bi-weekly emails from postpixonline.com.
• I have no idea what “bi-weekly” means, so just send me an email every day.
• I no longer wish to not receive emails from postpixonline.com. Send me two emails per day.
• I no longer wish to receive emails from postpixonline.com………………….….NOT. I’m already getting two emails a day. Might as well throw in a third.
• I wish to only receive special promotion emails from postpixonline.com four times a day, for events like our Tree of the Morning Photo Contest or our Tree of the Afternoon Photo Contest or our Tree of the Evening Photo Contest.
• I realize that every promotion is a special promotion, especially the ones about trees, which is all of them, so send me all the promotional emails you have, and heck, throw in some of the other emails, too.
• I wish to receive only those emails with deals tailored to my interests. I am interested in everything.
• I understand that I may not think I’m currently interested in photos of wild animal themed blown-glass statues but that life is unpredictable and known to nudge us in peculiar directions, so send me 10 emails per day just to be safe.
• I wish to receive 30 emails every five minutes from postpixonline.com.
• I have no idea how many emails I wish to receive from postpixonline.com, but I know it’s more than 30 emails every five minutes. Make it 60.
• I have fallen asleep reading this list and no longer care how many emails I do or do not receive from postpixonline.com. Better make it 10,000 a day.
• I’ve resigned myself to the fact that I will will most likely have at least 5 million unread emails from postpixonline.com in my inbox when I die.
• I wish to receive promotional emails regarding special postpixonline.com “death deals.” Our death deals ensure that after your death, in your honor, every member of your family will receive multiple daily emails from postpixonline.com for generations to come.
• I no longer know who I am, where I am, what I do for a living, or what I hope to accomplish in the future. I’ve forgotten if I am married, if I have a family, a pet, a house. Do I have hobbies? Beliefs? Am I religious? Do I have friends? I don’t know. All I know is I need to receive emails from postpixonline.com. As many as possible. Keep ’em coming ’til I die, and sure, even after that.