So You’ve Broken Into the Seinfeld Apartment Exhibit. Now What?
The “Seinfeld Experience”’s pop-up recreation of Jerry’s apartment from the hit show Seinfeld allows fans to step inside the world of their favorite sitcom. But if you’re a true superfan of the show about nothing, you’ll obviously want to take things a step further by waiting until closing time, making sure all the staff have left for the night, and then using a lockpick and/or boltcutters to illegally gain access to the site! Once you’re in, these are the tips and tricks you need to become the master of Jerry’s domain.
1. Have sex!
Let’s not beat around the bush. You’ve spent decades living vicariously through Jerry’s hedonistic romantic life, and now’s your chance to live the parts they couldn’t show on NBC. Bring a partner and yada yada yada on that big comfy couch, or, if you’re by yourself, step back into Jerry’s little-seen bathroom and “lose the contest!”
2. Check the details!
Everyone can visit this exhibit, but not everyone has all night to pore through the entirety of its granular minutiae. What CDs does Jerry have on his shelf? Are all his cereal boxes open, or did he just use one at a time? Did he ever finish his VHS copy of Child’s Play 2, and if so, did he rewind it? Assembling these tidbits of data will help you more fully understand who Jerry truly was, and how he was able to achieve the stability and contentment you find so elusive in your own life.
3. Stage your own episode!
Countless 21st-century humorists have spilled digital ink wondering what topics Seinfeld might have covered had it not gone off the air in 1998. Now the answer’s up to you, and the only production gear you’ll need is a camera phone and a flashlight! Does Jerry own an iPad? Has Kramer gone full MAGA? Is Elaine on fleek? The possibilities are endless, as long as your story involves a trespasser wandering around Jerry’s apartment in the dark.
4. Watch Seinfeld!
Jerry’s living room may have played host to a lot of wacky misadventures, but it was clearly intended for one use above all others: Watching TV. And why settle for a Mets game broadcast or a late night movie when you could be watching the greatest sitcom of all time? Larry David only dreams of being this meta! Prop up your phone or tablet in front of the couch, try to ignore the missing fourth wall, and settle into the immersive experience of watching Seinfeld in Seinfeld. Somehow it doesn’t feel how you expected, does it? Somehow it feels emptier. Colder.
5. Destroy the evidence!
Jerry, George, Elaine and Kramer may have ended the series behind bars, but you won’t want to suffer the same fate! Wipe your fingerprints, clean up any spilled bodily fluids and re-lock the doors before stepping back into the harsh reality of everyday life. When they re-open to the public the next day no one will be the wiser, but you’ll know that a part of your soul is still in there with the board games and Superman figurines. In a way, it always has been. What’s the deal with that?
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