Sophie B. Needs To Grow The Fuck Up And Admit That Santa Is Real
Enough with the conspiracy theories, Soph.
Sophie B.’s whole “Santa isn’t real” conspiracy theory is super annoying, right? I mean, here’s her only evidence: her big brother says there is no Santa Claus. Pathetic. It’s frankly shocking, how easily manipulated some people are. Sure, she’s only in second grade, but that doesn’t excuse blatant idiocy. I’m a second grader too, and I see straight through her brother’s horseshit.
Okay, so it’s preposterous on its face, but let’s do Sophie B. the courtesy of taking this claim seriously for a second.
If she and her dumb brother are right and Santa isn’t real, this would be a conspiracy of incomprehensible proportions. More people would need to be in on it than the moon landing, the JFK assassination, and 9/11 combined. First of all, my very own parents. All our parents, even Sophie B.’s parents, and every single other grownup confirm that Santa is real. Also, we directly asked Ms. Davis, and Ms. Davis said Santa is real. So Ms. Davis, a certified teacher entrusted by the state to gently guide second-graders along the path of enlightenment, is wrong about Santa, and Sophie B.’s zit-faced, squeaky-voiced asshole brother is right?
