Sorry, Sweetheart, It’s A Pirate’s Life For You
Yo-ho-ho, and a bottle of you’ll do as your told.
Honey, your father and I have been discussing this for a while now, and we’ve reached a decision. It’s a pirate’s life for you.
We’re just doing what we think is best. Schools will be COVID-ridden this winter and will likely shut down at some point. We’ve seen you struggle with online learning. We already lived with you and your various teenage antics 24 hours a day, 7 days a week in this household last spring, and have no intention of doing it again. So, we’re sorry, but it’s a pirate’s life for you.
We realize you’ll be leaving all your friends behind, but think of all the new maties you’ll make out at sea! We know it’s not what’s popular, but just think about all the cool stories of nautical violence you’ll be able to tell people at school once you’ve paid your debts to the captain and are allowed to return to land! And, oh, the many mythical mer-people you’ll see swimming on the horizon to the disbelief of your own salt-water crusted eyes!
Yes, honey, we know trying new things can be scary, but please, it’s either this or boarding school, and since we can absolutely not afford something like that, it shall be a pirate’s life for you.
