Ted Wilson Reviews the World: The Holocaust

★☆☆☆☆ (1 out of 5)

Hello, and welcome to my week-by-week review of everything in the world. Today I am reviewing the Holocaust.

The only reason I’m giving the Holocaust one star is because without it we never would have had The Diary of Anne Frank — my favorite book. Or we might have, but it would probably have been very boring. I’m not suggesting the Holocaust was worth it, but I always try to look on the bright side, so I’m glad at least some good came of it.

Because I’m not of Jewish decent, everything I’ve learned about the Holocaust has come from books and Larry David. I would prefer to not describe the Holocaust in too much detail because it was just so awful. If you’re not familiar with it, search for it on Google.com (and avoid looking at any of the photos from it).

There have been several movies that combine history with fantasy, like Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter. I would like to see a story that combines the Holocaust with dragons and wizards. I think Harry Potter is Jewish, so that seems like an obvious crossover right there. He could use his magic wand on Hitler and defeat him in a really poignant way, like maybe turning him into gefilte fish. I think it’s a little irresponsible of J. K. Rowling to not have Harry Potter save the Jews.

There are some racist people out there who deny the Holocaust ever happened. Ironically, Hitler would probably be pretty upset to hear people who are on his side denying all his efforts. After all the hard work he put into it, it must be a real bummer to hear someone say, “what Holocaust?” Next to his career as an artist, the Holocaust is Hitler’s biggest failure.

To be fair, not all Holocaust deniers are racist. There are a few who think the Holocaust never happened because they’re confusing it with the word hologram. I myself am a hologram denier. Some people say holograms are real, but I’ve never seen one and it sounds like wizardry to me.

Please join me next week when I’ll be reviewing Winnie the Pooh.