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Texting with Drake… sorta.

Started from the bot, now we here.

What if there was a way to simulate being in a hot-and-cold relationship with hip hop’s most emotionally sensitive, lovelorn artist?

Say hello to Botline Bling.

Why do this?

So what DID I learn?

  • Y’all are fucking disgusting, depraved sex freaks: Some of the sexts the bot received were just… like… whoa.
  • In this post, Esther Crawford wrote that, with her bot, she learned that humans “go wildly off-script.” And oh how right she was. While I had a rough script that “Drake” texted people to follow, a lot of the time people just wanted to fuck with him. But instead of losing faith in humanity, I decided to play along: I programmed in some responses to some of these off-script interactions. A lot of people were asking the bot for sexy pics, so of course, I had bot-Drake text back a sexy selfie. People were asking if Young Metro trusted him, and similarly, I programmed an appropriate response. Basically, if you’re making a bot, you have to expect people to misbehave. But if you fight fire with fire, and adjust accordingly, you end up actually getting some hilarious interactions as a result.
  • I… became… Drake. At the beginning, 100% of the bot’s text responses were verbatim lyrics from Drake’s songs. But as I made some adjustments, and as users appeared to want a more natural back-and-forth interaction, I took on the persona of Aubrey Drake Graham. I added my own dialogue as if it were Drake, asking texters to hang out with him at Tim Hortons, or soliciting help from them to solve a really hard crossword puzzle he’s doing, or randomly asking texters whether they pronounce it “milk,” “melk,” or “cow juice.” It’s ridiculous, and I hope you mess around with the bot to get in on all the fun.
Botline Bling

If you’re reading this, it’s not too late.

Start your relationship with Drake right now.

If you had a twin I would still choose you. So please spread the love by hitting the ❤ below, and sharing.

And follow me on Twitter!

Thanks for reading!



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Hassan S. Ali

I write comedy things. the ha & lol. Also a founding editor of Slackjaw on Medium.