The 10 Cat-mandments
If cats could write, this is what they’d tell us.
1. Be relaxed but precise.
Watch and marvel as I walk the tightrope on your garden fence. Relaxed but precise (Shouldn’t that be purr-cise?). I don’t worry about falling, I have right now to deal with! Worry about the future leads to tension. Tension leads to failure. Whether it’s sport, work, or simply the ability to have a decent relationship; be precise, be focused, but be relaxed. Musicians and yogis understand.
2. Don’t compare.
When I walk into a room I am the boss. You may be 10 times bigger than me, 10 times smarter than me and have the ability to operate a tin-opener, but I still own the room. Here’s my secret; I don’t compare. Not to Humans, Hamsters or Himalayan sheepdogs. Why compare? I am a cat and that is that.
3. Ask for what you want.
If you don’t ask you don’t get people. And if you don’t succeed? Try, try again. And again. And again. I want to be stroked so stroke me. I want food so feed me. I’m not embarrassed about what I need to be happy. I don’t know why you people make life so complicated?
4. Train them how to treat you.
I love your rubs and caresses, but didn’t you read the terms and conditions of owning me? Don’t stroke my belly! Ok, that’s it, time to draw blood (slash!). It’s nothing personal but if I don’t make it very clear where the line is (The line you shouldn’t cross, not the three red lines I just drew on your arm…) then how will you know how to treat me?
5. You are an individual. Be one.
You feed me and I appreciate it. You buy me a cat basket and I appreciate it (FYI I much prefer those cardboard boxes from IKEA). But you know I don’t need you. I could leave any time and fend for myself. The fact that I choose to have you in my life should make you feel super special.
6. Everyone expresses love differently.
I will headbutt your hand, claw on your jumper and sleep on your face. And if you’ve been really good I will drop a decapitated mouse on your doorstep. Because I want to show you that I care. You may not always understand my actions, but please be generous when interpreting them. It’s a big part of trust.
7. Be curious. You can’t second guess everything.
What will happen if I tap this thing resting on this table. Ah it falls on the floor. That was scary! I didn’t know that would happen (Nor the 100 other times I did the same thing). Well the only way to know is to try. Stop worrying about the outcome and try more things. Curiosity breeds luck.
8. Respect your body, respect your things.
Look at me. I’m always immaculate. Yes, I have to constantly lick myself to keep it up but it is important, because the day I stop is the day you know I’ve lost my self-respect. You may not have such an amazing tongue, but you more than make up for it with opposable thumbs! Really what I’m saying is — get organised and tidy, then you’ll never forget where you put the catfood!
9. Rest.
I sleep for 12 hours a day, doze for 2 and have regular catnaps in between. I don’t know how you manage on 7 hours a day! Sometimes I think you’re trying so hard to prove yourself, you forget to love yourself. Life is hard, and you need to rest. Just don’t try to rest when I’m hungry or I’ll meow the house down.
10. Keep your claws sharp.
You might think me vindictive for all those times I clawed your sofa, your carpet, your wall….ok every piece of furniture in your house. I’m sorry, but I can’t help it, it’s my instinct to keep my claws sharp. You never know when you’ll need to fight to survive. Bad things come to all of us, but it’s the cat that sharpens its claws that will weather the storm.
Thanks for reading! I hope some of this resonated with you. If you liked it please clap, share,comment or purr. Are there any other life lessons cats have taught you?
As well as a writer I’m also a medic and environmental activist.
