The Berenstain Bears Get A Divorce

Ryan Weber
Slackjaw
Published in
5 min readMay 13, 2020

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Papa and Mama bear scream at each other while the cubs look on in horror.
Illustrations by parkair
When married bears decide to split up, Mama learns she should have signed a prenup.

Angry clouds gathered at the big tree house down a sunny dirt road deep in Bear Country. Clouds that looked like marital strife.

The Bear’s marriage rainstorm started with drips and drops. Mama Bear got frustrated when Papa Bear interrupted her while she introduced the Family Politeness Plan and when he sneaked television during their no TV week. She certainly never forgave Papa for going into the woods with Brother Bear while she gave birth to Sister Bear at home by her lonesome.

Then one day, the storm broke. When Mama was washing the only set of clothes that each bear owned, she found lipstick on Papa’s shirt collar. Right away, she recognized the boysenberry lipstick of Dr. Gert Grizzly!

“Er, that’s berry juice, from when I went picking with Brother,” protested Papa weakly when Mama shoved the shirt in front of his nose.

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