The “Choose Life” Trainspotting Monologue With Additions From My Mom

Choose a family. Seriously. Would it kill you to spend a little less time on your screenplay and a little more time trying to meet somebody?

Image copyright: Miramax Films (Fair Use)

With apologies to Irvine Welsh, John Hodge & Ewan McGregor.

Choose Life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Oh, right, you already have “a career.” If you call switching non-profits every two years “a career.”

Choose a family. Seriously. Would it kill you to spend a little less time on your screenplay and a little more time trying to meet somebody? You’re not getting any younger.

Choose a fucking big television. Pardon my French, but what’s with your generation watching all your shows on your little laptops? How can you read the captions on such a small screen?

Choose washing machines, cars, compact disc players and electrical tin openers. And don’t skimp on a good HVAC unit, either. You’ll thank me later.

What do you mean nobody uses compact disc players anymore? Ok, well, whatever it is. iPods. Nanos. I don’t know.

Choose good health, low cholesterol, and dental insurance. Don’t get mad at me, but you look like you’re packing on a few extra pounds…