The Dating Profile Of A Person Who Says Someone “Must Love Dogs” To Date Them

Elizabeth Simone
Slackjaw
Published in
3 min readNov 29, 2022

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If you’re not down with the bow-wow-wow, you’ll never be my beau

Illustration by author (with formatting help from Sarah Gardner)

My Self Summary…

I’m just a gal who loves dogs, looking for a guy who MUST love dogs :)

What I’m Doing With My Life…

Spending each and every moment with my three dogs. There’s Peaches, my Aussie mix who behaves off-leash. Then there’s Chester, my Labradoodle, who prefers to walk between my legs because he has anxiety, poor guy. And finally there’s Matilda, my little pug rescue, who is attached to my hip. Surgically. She is surgically attached to my hip. So you better LOVE canines because Matilda’s gonna be in the middle of all of our hugs.

Most People Who Know Me Would Say…

That I’m mature. For example, I know that what makes a healthy relationship is loving all the same things as your partner. Well, not all the same things. Just all the same dogs.

First Round Is On Me If…

You can name 23 dog breeds when we meet. If you can’t, I’ll throw my drink in your face, storm out of the bar, and go tell everyone that you are a hateful hater of dogs.

I Will Never Date Someone That…

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Elizabeth Simone
Slackjaw

Words in The Belladonna, The Weekly Humorist, Greener Pastures, Slackjaw, Points In Case, Little Old Lady Comedy. IG: @comic__diary