The Five Twerpiest Kids I Dunked On During Recent Quarantine Walks
Every Saturday Peaboy is out at the end of his drive, trying and failing to leverage his shrimpy little arms to shoot hoops.
#5 Peaboy
Peaboy is my next-door neighbor and a Grade-A twerp-bag. He has a tiny little shriveled-up face like a pea. I think he’s like seven years old or something really lame like that. Grow up, Peaboy. Every Saturday he’s out at the end of his drive, trying and failing to leverage his shrimpy little arms to shoot hoops. It’s hilarious. I love to stand there and laugh at him. He’ll ignore me at first, but eventually he’ll turn around and say: “Hey mister, stop it, you’re making me sad, I know I’m only seven but I want to be a basketball star one day.” And I’ll reply: “No, Peaboy, the only thing you’re ever going to be is a twerp.” And then I snatch the ball out of his hands and slam. Dunk. It.
#4 Mason “Twerp” Richardson
Mason is Peaboy’s neighbor. He usually spends his Saturdays out on his front lawn filming Tik Toks. He got “famous” for his “gnarly triple backflips” like a stupid idiot loser. Obviously he needs to be put in his place, so when I’m done dunking on Peaboy, I call Mason over. I’ve discovered through…
