The Infinite Cash Entrepreneur Summit Is NOT For Everyone!

Alex Baia
Alex Baia
Mar 16 · 4 min read
Miami Photo by Josh G on Unsplash

Listen up, aspiring entrepreneur! The Infinite Cash Online Summit is NOT for everyone.

This summit is NOT for the overwhelming majority of “wannabe” entrepreneurs and do-nothing thumb-suckers.

Infinite Cash is THE summit where you learn to SELL ANYTHING TO ANYONE, ONLINE, using just a simple laptop and a loyal team of Romanian coders who work for ROMANIAN PENNIES.

Infinite Cash is for the grinders, the strivers, the early-risers, and the HARDCORE HUSTLERS who have grit, drive, vision, and chops OOZING OUT OF THEIR EYE-SOCKETS.

Infinite Cash is ONLY for the 0.0001% TOP DOGS who want to eat, breathe, sleep, and shit persuasive email marketing funnels.

Think that’s you? PROBABLY NOT.

Do any of the following statements describe you?

You LOVE your dumb 40-hours-a-week office job.

You HATE money.

You REFUSE to mortgage your house to hire a team of Romanian coders to build 80 different A/B-testable landing pages for KETO COOKBOOKS.

You think constructing a 7-FOOT-TALL OBELISK OF $20 bills and HAMMERING IT WITH YOUR FISTS every morning is a BAD MINDFULNESS RITUAL.

If any of the above applies to you, WHY ARE YOU EVEN HERE polluting this landing page with your suckiness? GO AWAY.

Still reading? WOW. You’ve got SOME NERVE.

We’ll level with you: Infinite Cash is literally 1,000% packed with NO-BS, BALLS-TO-THE-WALLS online business growth tactics.

Which tactics? Glad you asked.

You’ll learn how to build YOUR COMPANY on YOUR TERMS, so long as those terms include selling athleisure pants to Millennials with BORDERLINE SELF-ESTEEM.

You’ll learn how to run an Instagram ad that’s SO BRUTALLY EFFECTIVE, it will flip a Manchurian switch in your reader’s brain and they’ll BUY TILL THEY DIE.

You’ll learn how to get your sales emails opened BEFORE you send them because STANDARD LINEAR TIME doesn’t apply to WINNERS.

Sounds AMAZING, right?

WHOA, did you just try to click the BUY TICKET BUTTON!?

Not so fast, asshole.

First listen to what past attendees are saying:

“Before Infinite Cash, I was working a dead-end job as a software engineering manager making 130K a year. After Infinite Cash, I just made $130K by sending a single email to my list of 21,000 qualified prospects who want great deals on ferret food.” — Katherine D., Infinite Cash Alum

“Infinite Cash taught me that it’s not about having the best product, it’s about leveraging your high-converting passive income eComm side-hustles run by teams of hungry Romanian IT professionals.” — Mark R., Infinite Cash Alum

“Wow. Wow. Holy shit. Infinite cash. Wow.” — Keith T., Infinite Cash Alum

You’re FRANTICALLY looking for that BUY BUTTON now aren’t you?

Guess what!? You are clearly NOT READY, so we just HID THE BUTTON.

Want some cold, hard TRUTH? We’re capping this summit.

There are ONLY 300 TICKETS to Infinite Cash. And, regardless of when you’re reading this, 299 of them are SOLD.

We could literally sell 300,000 tickets if we felt like it… But we won’t. HELL NO.

Because we don’t want a bunch of LAZY DIP-SHITS attending our summit.

Quick question: Are you a DIP-SHIT? Check this box, so we can BAN YOU: ❑

Still want a ticket? OF COURSE YOU DO.

Now GET ON YOUR KNEES AND SOLVE THIS RIDDLE:

What has two thumbs, two nips, and CRIES LIKE A LI’L BABY while watching YouTube videos about beachfront Miami mansions that will NEVER BE THEIRS BECAUSE THEY’RE A SAD TINY PISS-ANT WHO’S AFRAID OF SUCCESS?

Answer: It’s YOU, DINGUS.

Now you really want to PULL THE TRIGGER on that $2,999 (or 0.1 Bitcoin) LAST TICKET, right?

Well, TOO BAD. By the time you read this sentence, all tickets are GONE.

You’re TOTALLY FUCKED, capisce?

Check this out: It’s a picture of Jennifer M, who just BOUGHT THE LAST TICKET.

Do you see how HAPPY SHE LOOKS? That’s the FACE OF A FUTURE BILLIONAIRE.

Do you see the WATERFALL behind her? That’s at her FUTURE MIAMI MANSION.

Do you see those DOZENS of Romanians surrounding her? Those are her NEW CODERS, BABY.

And that SCARY GRAVEYARD next to her mansion? THAT’S WHERE YOU’LL BE BURIED.

Better luck next year!

p.s. Enter your email here to receive our free guide, “7 Tips For Persuasive Landing Pages.”

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Alex Baia is a regular contributor to McSweeney’s, The New Yorker, and Slackjaw.

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