The Life Cycle of a Startup on Medium

A SEO strat for your brand™

Tweet that your company is thinking about to moving to medium
Something along the lines of: “Heard a lot of good things about @Medium, thinking of moving @moober’s blog there. Anyone done this?”
Sign up
Sign up and spend 4 hours white-boarding usernames because @moober is already taken. Settle on @mooberme.
First post: “Why I’m moving Moober’s blog to Medium”
Explain steps one and two in a Medium post. Include what life lesson you learned from your process.
Establish credibility
Personally thank @ev in a response, try to reference that one time you were in line with him in Austin.
Content Marketing
Demonstrate your thinkfluencer status by cranking out self-help posts using the formula “What X taught me about Y.” Mention the term “life hacks” frequently to increase your SEO.
The Honeymoon
Series B announcement, trips to Spain, infinite coconut water. Attribute your success to the innovative new sleep cycle you invented.
Post-Work
Write posts about giving up various internet/work related tasks and how it’s enhancing your life. Title every post “How stopping Y made my life better.”
Technical Wander Person
Embrace the “digital nomad” lifestyle. Rely heavily on Instagram punctuated by an occasional 1000-word Medium about your 20x productivity while backpacking Costa Rica.
“Well, We Failed”
Publish a gloomy diatribe thanking everyone involved in the company. Be sure to mention your “next chapter.”
Months Later
New Medium post: “What I learned from the failure of Moober.”