The Maid Of Honor Speech I Gave Before My Intramural Kickball Team’s Championship Game
We’re all winners today, I hope.
What’s up, everyone? I’m the maid of honor, the captain of “team bride,” if you will. For those who don’t know me, Rachel and I are cousins slash besties since birth. We’ve faced so many big moments together growing up, like soccer practices and family parties, but none more momentous than standing by her side today as she marries her best friend. It felt like, in a way, I led Team Bride to victory when she said, “I do.” And hopefully, in just a few hours’ time, I’ll be leading another team, The Titans, to victory at the Philadelphia Sports League’s Coed Intramural Kickball Championship game.
But that’s not what this moment is about. This is about my girl Rachel finding her perfect teammate for this crazy game of life. Rachel, you were born for this. Your fate was solidified the night you met Arnie at the Evil Genius Brewery, challenged him to a game of Jenga, and absolutely demolished him. As long as I’ve known you, which is since I was thirteen days old, you’ve had a crystal clear vision of what your future will look like, and the biggest heart to match. Paired with all the ways Arnie complements you, the two of you are bound for a beautiful life together. As the saying goes, “clear eyes, full hearts, can’t lose the kickball game.” You know, because The Titans can’t and won’t lose our big championship kickball game blocks away at Hancock Playground on this very night.
You know folks, they say heroes get remembered, but legends never die. Is Arnie a hero? Who’s to say? He’s certainly rescued a few kittens from a tree and one old woman from a burning building. But more than that, the partnership he and Rachel have formed is the stuff of legends. Just like tonight’s intramural kickball championship game will be when the underdogs, my team The Titans, overcome the odds to win it all against reigning champs Pitch Don’t Kill My Vibe. And so it shall be that I, captain of The Titans, go down in Philadelphia coed intramural sports history as a legend. Arnie once said to me shortly before proposing to Rachel, “All I wanna do is go the distance with her.” And, let’s just say, it looks like that’s happening.
Rachel and Arnie, your love story inspires me. Despite everything, you found each other and came together, just like my team The Titans will be coming together later today to win the coveted intramural kickball championship trophy and become champions, a title we’ve dreamed about since our team was drafted three months ago. The moment is right here, right in front of us. And that’s what living is, after all — it’s the six inches in front of your face where a red ball is barreling toward you pitched by a dude who works in finance standing on a t-ball mound. For you, Rachel and Arnie, I see you both kicking that metaphorical red ball straight at the steeple of the church across the street from the field you’re playing on. And for me and The Titans, I see it literally, not so far into the future.
So, please join me in toasting to the newlyweds, Mr. and Mrs. Bankerson. Great moments like these are born from great opportunity. And that’s what you have here, tonight, boys. It ain’t about how hard ya hit. It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. And I think you both are gonna hit it tonight.
Cheers to the both of you, I love you, and I have to go to my game. Remember the Bankersons, and remember The Titans!
