The Only Thing Strong Enough To Power Our Latest Software Update Is A Nuclear Reactor
Every subscriber of our software will soon be receiving a shipment of uranium fuel rods at the address we have on file.
As a world leader in producing increasingly non-responsive, resource-draining software, we’re pleased to announce the release of our latest update! In this newest version, we have once again refused to fix the issues that cause the crashes and freeze-ups that have plagued our software ever since we launched the first version back in the 1980s. We did, however, arbitrarily alter some of the most basic functions that you’ve grown accustomed to over the years for no apparent reason other than to force you to learn new, annoying ways of doing familiar things. But the most significant change included in this update is the excessive demand that the program now places on your hardware system in order to simply open up and proceed to not work properly. This increased strain means that no computer presently available on the market will actually be able to run it solely on battery power or even basic household electrical current.
That’s why every subscriber of our software will soon be receiving a shipment of uranium fuel rods at the address we have on file. This package will also include…
