Member-only story
FOR LOVE OR PEANUT BUTTER
I Tried To End A Dry Spell — But The Only One Who Came Was Regret
Remember that trash book about the secret society of pickup artists? I think I accidentally met one
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Ever been through a really long dry spell and made a bad judgment call as a result? Well, that was me on this particular Friday. Enough time had passed since another human had visited my nether regions that my standards had been lowered, nay, buried in the sand of Death Valley, better yet, sunken to the bottom of the Mariana Trench. We’re talking LOW. I was going to a bar with my girlfriend to find a guy, and I didn’t care who. Any guy would do, I thought.
His name was Ivan. He was not conventionally hot, but there was something about him that I liked. He was on the thin side, with long salt and pepper hair, a weird hat that I guess could be described as somewhere between a fedora and a boater hat — very hipstery — and a weird hoodie that looked like a poncho with sleeves. Yeah, it was a look. But he had this cute smile and he kept catching my eye from across the bar.
My girlfriend Steph was not a fan. I pointed him out and she chuckled.