Thelma And Louise Chat As They Soar To Their Fiery Deaths
Poised near the edge of the Grand Canyon, Thelma and Louise take a moment to ponder their recent adventure.
Thelma: Let’s not get caught.
Louise: What’re you talking about?
Thelma: Let’s keep going.
Louise: What do you mean?
Thelma turns her head toward the far distance.
Thelma: Go.
Louise: You sure?
Thelma: Yeah. Hit it.
Louise slams down on the gas, the two women clasp hands, and off the side of the Grand Canyon they fly. It’s a beautiful, yet terribly sad, moment. They are free.
However, the Grand Canyon averages a drop of 4,000 ft. At its highest, it’s 6,000 ft. Louise put the pedal to the medal somewhere around 2,200 ft. It’s gonna take a few seconds before they hit the ground and are instantly reduced to putty.
Louise: Wow. It is really high up.
Thelma: Right?
Louise: Yeah. It didn’t seem like it from back there.
Thelma: No, it did not.
Thelma pulls her hand from Louise’s.
Louise: What?
Thelma: Huh?
Louise: Why’d you let go of my hand?
Thelma: No reason.
Thelma turns around and begins searching the backseats.
Thelma: Didn’t Wade ride a motorcycle?
Louise: He sold it. Why?
Thelma: Dang. Thought he might have left an extra helmet or neck brace or some protective head/neck/spine combo in the back.
Louise: Bit late for that, ain’t it?
Thelma: It’s never too late to make safe choices.
Louise: Now. Now is too late.
Thelma looks a bit bummed out.
Louise: I thought you wanted this as much as me!
Thelma: I was kind of swept up in the moment. I guess I got sucked in.
Louise: Jesus.
Thelma: When we hit the ground and the car explodes —
Louise: It might not explode. It might just crumple.
Thelma: No cool fireball or explosion?
Louise: We’re pretty low on gas. Almost out, actually. So it’ll be a crumple and a small fire. More like a small roast than a bonfire.
Thelma: Will the crumple be loud?
Louise: SO loud.
Thelma: Okay, then. That’s something.
Louise: Heck yeah it is.
Things go quiet. Louise turns on the radio. There’s only static. She turns it back off.
Thelma: Definitely didn’t get the most out of life that I could’ve. Sold myself very short. Never left the country. Hell, didn’t even leave Texas until last year.
Louise: Where’d you go if you could?
Thelma: It’s… you’re gonna laugh.
Louise: Promise I won’t.
Thelma pulls her legs up and buries her face between her knees. She’s feeling super shy.
Thelma: Latvia.
Louise: Latvia?
Thelma glances up at her friend. Tears sting her eyes. An enormous weight has been lifted.
Thelma: Has everything going for it. Amazing neighbors. The capital is Riga. Less than two million people, not too hot in the summer, nor too cold in the winter. Such a young country, too. Born on the 18th of November, 1918. Turned its back on the German Empire. “No thank you!” loud and clear. Then back and forth between the Soviets and the Nazis for ten years beginning in 1934. Treated with all the respect of a shuttle cock. Breaks my heart. Anyhoo… with the Chanting Revolution of 1987, they really got their act together. People looked to the skies and —
Louise: Singing.
Thelma: Huh?
Louise: It was the Singing Revolution. You said Chanting.
Thelma: Hold the phone. You had a Latvia boner, too?
Louise: Big ole one.
Thelma: How did this never come up?
Louise: Time never seemed right. I dropped a lot of hints.
Thelma: You most definitely did not.
Louise: I know I did. I’m sure of it.
Thelma: Louise, I’ve been obsessed with Latvia since I can’t remember when. I hated myself at times for feeling like I did. Cried and cried and cried.
Louise: Brag much?
Thelma: Point is, if you — my best friend — had ever mentioned Latvia, I would have jumped at the chance to talk to you about it.
They retreat to their corners.
Louise: Don’t sulk.
Thelma: I’m not.
Louise: Well, then you’re doing a great impression of a sulking person.
Thelma: I’m fine. I’m just annoyed.
Louise: At me?
Thelma: “At me?” Give me a fucking break.
Thelma glances over the side of her door to see how much longer is left.
Thelma: Definitely no explosion?
Louise: ‘fraid not. Sorry.
Thelma: As they say in Riga, “Stādot ledu, negaidiet, ka būs ražas!”
Louise: So fucking true.
