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Things I Can Only Assume To Be True About Baby Yoda Because I Refuse To Pay For Yet Another Streaming Service
His mom is dead.
The character is voiced by a middle-aged woman.
He spends a lot of time riding tricycles with cartoon Kermit and Gonzo.
Lightsabers.
There is at least one musical episode.
Disney is already developing an attraction repurposing the Hall of Presidents where an animatronic Johnny Carson will play with Baby Yoda while someone in a pith helmet watches from across a giant desk.
He has a catchphrase (“Yo, duh!”) always spoken with a precocious eye roll.
During a flashback, he will be covered in amniotic residue (or the alien equivalent) for the sake of authenticity.
As a tween, he’ll release a self-titled pop album produced by his domineering father.
Some Imagineer has already been fired for not developing a Dancing Baby Yoda™ in time to be on shelves by Black Friday.
Ewoks.
Lots of dimly lit scenes in tight, intimate spaces like the inside of a yurt or in an organic living space — like a cave, the ribs of a decomposing carcass, or the space between massive tree roots — while characters share…
