Things That Are Cute When You’re 19, But Definitely Not Cute When You’re 29: Part 2
19: Scheming on ways to get a fake I.D. so you can hit the downtown bars on Friday night. Cute!
29: Scheming on ways to get a fake Costco membership card so you can buy a 50-pack of granola bars to eat while you’re binging six episodes of Love Island on Friday night. Not cute!
19: Pregaming the lineup for Lollapalooza with tequila shots. Cute!
29: Pregaming the ottoman lineup at Crate & Barrel with a Trader Joe’s canned wine that you keep in your purse “just in case.” Not cute!
19: Going to the doctor about once every three years, or like whenever you remember to. Cute!
29: Going to the doctor about once every 3 weeks, or like whenever you… sleep on your arm weird… find a hair somewhere new… get carpal tunnel from swiping on Tinder… get a pinched nerve from your weighted blanket… accidentally take three multivitamins instead of two. Not cute!
19: Spending all of your discretionary income on outfits and accessories for yourself. Cute!
29: Spending all of your discretionary income on outfits and accessories for your Maltese Cockapoo, Princessa Fluffy Pie, who might be the only one who really gets you. Not cute!
