This Napkin I’ve Just Thrown At You Has My Number On It (And A Message, Too!)
Please ignore the stains.
Hello! Thanks for reading this napkin I’ve thrown at you with my number written on it. You looked stunning when I noticed you at the bar for almost ten minutes. I would have come and spoken to you properly, but I’m a little shy.
If you didn’t notice me when I yelled “Hey, you!” before I sprinted out of the bar, I’ve drawn a sketch of myself below. See that little phone next to my face? That’s me, hopefully, if you call. Don’t I look excited? And my pecs look good, right?
I would’ve sketched you too, but you deserve to be sketched on a quality serviette.
I know what you’re thinking: he must do this all the time. But I can assure you I don’t. I’m just a typical guy who likes to carry a wad of Popeye’s napkins with him. You never know when you’ll need one.
Also, please ignore the stains on this napkin, especially what you might interpret as lipstick marks. Don’t worry, they’re not from a girlfriend or lover. It’s actually just ketchup from the fries tonight.
Rest assured, this is a genuine number, from a genuine person, interested in speaking with you. I’ll remain anonymous — for now. If you want to know more about me, you’ll have to call the number to find out. When you do, just please make sure you’re speaking to me, Jeff.
I actually think we have a lot in common.
For example, I noticed you ordered a cheeseboard tonight. I’m also a cheese head. You might tell from the blue cheese stench this napkin gives off. It’s practically all I eat, apart from fries. I’ve sketched a little wheel of blue cheese below blowing you kisses! Isn’t he cute? Maybe we can share a cheeseboard in the near future?
I’d love to hear from you. If you decide to call, please do it during the hours of 3 pm — 5 pm, on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and every other Sunday (I’ve added the date for next available Sunday on the corner of this napkin for you). If you call outside those hours and an older lady answers, PLEASE hang up.
What will we talk about? Art. Cheese. Favorite Clowns. (For starters.) No doubt, we’ll have plenty to talk about, because let’s just say I have a list full of questions to kick things off.
Years later you could be telling your friends about the mysterious and handsome (from the sketch) napkin stranger you never called. Is that something you’ll live to regret? I hope not.
I’d understand if you don’t call. All I ask is that you pass this napkin on to a single and equally attractive friend.
So, what do you say?
— Napkin Stranger
