This Week’s Power Rankings of My Grandma’s Friends
6) Paulette
Perpetual shit-stirrer Paulette just seems to love the drama. Behind her meek demeanor and oversized bifocals is a woman who cannot help but cause trouble. This week, she served as an agent of chaos at a local 5K run. In typical Paulette fashion, she decided that those running the race deserved a better view of the pond, and so she used some orange construction cones she keeps in her Buick to haphazardly re-route the course. Several of the runners fell into the water as a result of Paulett’s change, and one person was eventually hospitalized for hypothermia. Paulette was asked to leave the event early, which she did, while spouting her typical “What did I do?” bullshit. Every friend group has a black sheep, and Paulette fills that role, performing “BAA-dly” in these power rankings on a weekly basis.
Last week: 6
5) Raquel
Racquel fell in this week’s rankings — largely due to her insistence on, once again, telling the uncomfortable story of how she was named. Yes, we know your dad was infatuated with the actress Racquel Welch and “had her picture plastered all over his pole barn.” But what you view as a charming piece of family lore, Raquel, is actually kind of disgusting. Your father named you, his first born daughter, after an object of his lust. That’s icky! Get some…
