Tiny House For Sale!

Alicia Oltuski
Jul 10 · 2 min read
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- Are you single, or very small? Places can be too large, stop torturing yourself with people.

- Half bath, half bedroom, half bed, half kitchen.

- Understand that this house is not going to appreciate in value, or appreciate everything you did for it.

- Is your body the type that sweats when confronted with spaces smaller than your favorite booth at your least-favorite restaurant?

- First owner selling; recent construction (because past generations would have physically assaulted someone who suggested the construction of a tiny house).

- Do you like life adventures and life and adventures? Tiny houses are for living. Examples of life adventures involving a tiny house include:

* Measuring it

* Pretending your Tiny House is the Mystery Machine from Scooby Doo, and you are Fred

  • or Shaggy
  • Velma
  • Scooby Do
  • Scrappy Do
  • Daphne loves you

- I’m not saying you have to follow my lead but I have never let my tiny house see me naked. Do not — please do not — have sex inside a tiny house.

- Contact seller directly, do not contact my realtor. My realtor has said to me, “Please leave, I have told you, we do not deal in tiny houses, they are not even houses.”

- The open house will be on my parents’ front lawn. Please do not arrive after five. Please form a neat line and enter one at a time and do not speak to me, I am unaccustomed to house guests. I will be sitting on the dining room chair/toilet/shower/television inside the tiny house. If you need to see what it looks like with the Murphy oven open, just ask.

Slackjaw

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Thanks to Alex Baia.

Alicia Oltuski

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Slackjaw

Slackjaw

Your source for the Medium funny.