Tiny House For Sale!

Alicia Oltuski
Jul 10 · 2 min read
Photo by Jessie Renée on Unsplash

- Are you single, or very small? Places can be too large, stop torturing yourself with people.

- Half bath, half bedroom, half bed, half kitchen.

- Understand that this house is not going to appreciate in value, or appreciate everything you did for it.

- Is your body the type that sweats when confronted with spaces smaller than your favorite booth at your least-favorite restaurant?

- First owner selling; recent construction (because past generations would have physically assaulted someone who suggested the construction of a tiny house).

- Do you like life adventures and life and adventures? Tiny houses are for living. Examples of life adventures involving a tiny house include:

* Measuring it

* Pretending your Tiny House is the Mystery Machine from Scooby Doo, and you are Fred

  • or Shaggy
  • Velma
  • Scooby Do
  • Scrappy Do
  • Daphne loves you

- I’m not saying you have to follow my lead but I have never let my tiny house see me naked. Do not — please do not — have sex inside a tiny house.

- Contact seller directly, do not contact my realtor. My realtor has said to me, “Please leave, I have told you, we do not deal in tiny houses, they are not even houses.”

- The open house will be on my parents’ front lawn. Please do not arrive after five. Please form a neat line and enter one at a time and do not speak to me, I am unaccustomed to house guests. I will be sitting on the dining room chair/toilet/shower/television inside the tiny house. If you need to see what it looks like with the Murphy oven open, just ask.


Medium humor. Large laughs.

Thanks to Alex Baia

Alicia Oltuski

Written by



Medium humor. Large laughs.

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