Toddler Or Narcissist, The Quiz!
As you read the FBI’s statistic that “48% of people are killed by someone they know,” one person comes to mind.
1. You ask them not to say, “your butt is big!” because it hurts your feelings. But five minutes later they tease you again. When you remind them it hurts your feelings, they argue, “you never said that!” Whose poor acting makes it impossible for you to believe them?
A. Toddler
B. Narcissist
C. Jennifer Lopez in any role
D. All of the above
2. Right before making your birthday wish, they burst into tears because they feel “left out,” so you let them blow out the candles for you. The party pooper is:
A. Toddler
B. Narcissist
C. Anyone experiencing low blood sugar — cut the cake already!
D. All of the above
3. After being unlucky in love for years, you’ve met The One! You mention spending some alone time with The One this weekend. Wow, look at you, setting boundaries! So, who shoves you down the staircase?
A. Toddler
B. Narcissist
C. Leo Di-Cat-Prio, your loyal cat, who you’ve neglected ever since meeting “The One”
D. All of the above
4. They’re wearing your shoes, that’s fine. Uh, now they’re mimicking you. And they won’t stop. Who do you wish would develop their own identity?
A. Toddler
B. Narcissist
C. Neither A nor B—you absolutely love having a mini-me!
D. Both A & B.
5. “Do they actually hate me?” you wonder. It feels like they take you for granted and you’re always giving into their demands. You’re clearly dealing with a:
A. Toddler
B. Narcissist
C. Mother-in-law
D. All of the above
6. During a difficult discussion, they sob and shout, “I hate you!” This teary tirade is attributed to:
A. Toddler
B. Narcissist
C. Your very tired therapist
D. All of the above
7. Their tantrums are exhausting, but since their prefrontal cortex is underdeveloped, you shouldn’t hold it against them. Nevertheless, who do you wish would grow the fuck up?
A. Toddler
B. Narcissist
C. Actually, you should cut ties — someone else can deal with them!
D. All of the above
8. You say “no” to their unreasonable request, and they bite you. Who should you call the cops on for this assault?
A. Toddler
B. Narcissist
C. Leo Di-Cat-Prio, your once loyal, now bloodthirsty cat
D. None of the above because you bite them back
9. Their violent outburst was scary, but surely, they never meant to hurt you (they rely on you too much!). But as you read the FBI’s statistic that “48% of people are killed by someone they know,” one person comes to mind:
A. Toddler
B. Narcissist
C. Mother-in-law
D. Leo Di-Cat-Prio, your once loyal, now homicidal cat
10. They took a nap in your bed. They also took a poo in your bed. You gently suggest they use the toilet next time, but they glare at you, saying you’re the one who poo’d the bed. Who done it?
A. Toddler
B. Narcissist
C. Okay, so last night’s take-out was more of a 4 on the spice scale instead of your regular level 2, but that doesn’t mean you have to cave. Deny, deny, deny.
D. All of the above
Answer Key
1. D.
2. D.
3. The answer is actually C, for cat — and you had it coming.
4. D is the correct answer. If you chose C, you may have some codependency issues to explore in therapy.
5. D. Wow, you really complicated things by falling in love!
6. D. Therapists have limits too.
7. C, as in “Ciao!”
8. D. Don’t be a wuss.
9. Trick question — they’re all equally likely to kill you.
10. D, and we won’t talk about C.
