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Turns Out My Grandpa’s Pacemaker Was A Transformer And Now There’s A Car In His Chest
When I learned that my grandfather was diagnosed with a heart condition, I was devastated. He had served in World War II (I won’t say for which side because I don’t think it’s important) and had even taken part in the Vietnam War protests (he actually wanted more war, but again, not important). He was absolutely my hero, and still is.
Nonetheless, I knew I had to help out. He didn’t have health insurance and when I looked into how to get it for him, it seemed like a lot of work — so that was immediately off the table. From my one Google search where I clicked on the first link, I discovered that he needed a pacemaker. Perfect. I knew exactly where to get one.
The dark web has a bad reputation, but that has never stopped me. Five illegal lizards and three decommissioned Soviet RPG’s later, and the under-the-table market has become my go-to for online shopping. With one quick query, I found a brand-new pacemaker for sale on the site “www.cooter.shrek” listed by user “IAM_michaelBAE.” “Heck yeah,” I thought to myself. “Only $8,000?” The purchase was made.
When I went to the old abandoned slaughterhouse parking lot fully alone at 3 AM to pick it up, I was so glad that I was getting a legit piece of medical equipment for my gramps. However, when I opened…
