Ugh, I Seriously Can’t Believe I Ate All That

Oh my God, I just ate that entire thing. Do you see this? I just ate the whole thing in like five minutes.

Ugh, I can’t believe it. I ate the whole sandwich, bread AND condiments included, and I ate the entire side salad WITH dressing on it.

I can’t believe I just ate all that!

Gross. What is wrong with me? Why did I eat this standardly-portioned meal in its entirety?

I like, never eat this much. Seriously. I usually eat so little the server comes over and asks if there was a problem with my meal. I usually eat so little my fork never makes physical contact with the plate. I usually eat so little that my stomach has slowly begun to digest itself!

I mean, you all have to know I would never eat the entirety of anything. For God’s sake, I pick the oregano out of pizza and then throw the pizza away. I take such small bites from burritos you could refold the tortilla a bit and it would look brand new. I’ve never even gotten past the skin on an apple!

Please, forgive me.

I certainly didn’t plan to eat the whole thing, if that’s what you’re thinking. No, how could I have? I didn’t even think it possible. You know, because I’ve never eaten this much in one sitting before now.