Unsolicited Advice For Pregnant Women
Did you know that caffeine is bad for the baby? I saw you holding a coffee cup and just wanted to let you know that you should keep it to under 200 mg a day. I know a friend of a friend that drank too much coffee and her baby’s first words were: “Can you watch my laptop while I use the bathroom?”
Did you know alcohol is bad for the baby? I saw you gazing longingly at your husband’s glass of wine at dinner. Don’t even think about it. I know a friend of a friend that took one sip of a mimosa during her third trimester and now the only thing her baby will eat is $22 avocado toast.
Did you know that sushi, raw eggs, undercooked beef, deli meat, and soft cheese are bad for the baby? I couldn’t help but notice you at the grocery store eyeing these items. I know a friend of a friend that had a bite of a brie and jambon baguette sandwich when she was pregnant and her baby was born with a beret glued to its head. She tried everything to get it off but the baby just kept screaming “Non, mademoiselle” and singing Celine Dion hits.
Did you know being around chemicals is bad for the baby? It has come to my attention that you were perusing paint samples at the hardware store. I know a friend of a friend that walked into her baby’s nursery for thirty seconds before the paint on the walls had dried and now her baby is addicted to HGTV home…
