Unusual Shark Attacks

Just when you thought all shark attacks were the same.

Christopher Shelley
Published in
3 min readApr 26, 2020


Photo by Rusty Watson on Unsplash

A Dusky Spine shark jumped onto a cruise ship and landed in a pool, stealing the belly-flop competition from Bob Kravchuk.

A Whale shark jumped out of the Giant Ocean tank at the New England Aquarium and ate a man petitioning for stricter shark-hunting regulations.

A Bonnethead shark crashed a retirement party at an Elks Lodge, grabbed the mic and ripped Sal Odenkirk about his seashell collection, sneering, “Where’d you find those cockle shells? My driveway?

An Oceanic White Tip shark jumped onto a fishing boat off the shores of Corpus Christi, bit off a girl’s foot, then spat it back, the foot now perfectly pedicured.

A Lemon shark leaped from Boston Harbor to Quincy Market, landed in front of a street magician, spat out a playing card — the six of clubs, the very card a person had selected from the magician’s deck moments before — then made the magician disappear by eating him.

A Silky shark jumped onto the Paddlewheeler Creole Queen in New Orleans, stole a seventeen-year-old’s boyfriend, and went to prom with him.

A Bigeye shark exploded out of a wading pool in Carmel, California, wrestled Kim Wong’s tricycle from her sticky little hands, rode it to San Bruno and got a job creating YouTube ads for MasterClass.

A Bull shark landed on Muscle Beach in Los Angeles, bet an unemployed makeup artist a dollar he could drink the guy’s Vitamin Water without opening the bottle, and then ate the guy and the bottle.

A Hammerhead shark landed on Clearwater Beach, verbally attacked a woman’s domineering husband, then made the man eat his own intestines while listening to ‘Stuck in the Middle with You’ by Steeler’s Wheel.

A Megamouth shark tip-toed up Coronado beach in San Diego, took a Jitney bus to the San Diego Country Club, won money from a divorce lawyer in a high-stakes skins game, and dated the lawyer’s ex-wife for a few weeks until she found out he was a shark.

A Tiger shark leaped onto Edisto Beach in South Carolina, commandeered a guy’s smartphone, logged into Twitter and warned Mitch McConnell to watch his back the next time he took a bath…



Christopher Shelley

Wedding Celebrant | Speaker | Emcee — Humor in Slackjaw, Little Old Lady Comedy, Points in Case. Weddings: www.IlluminatingCeremonies.com