URGENT: Now Hiring Meme Analyst At Our Respected Financial Institution
Seeking an internet interpreter to explain memes via PowerPoint to our esteemed executives. Start date? Yesterday.
We have an immediate opening at Goldman Sachs for a qualified financial-meme translator.
In light of recent market movements caused by the highly unethical collusion of malicious dilettante traders, Goldman Sachs is now hiring a Meme Analyst to analyze financial meme trends, track Reddit market sentiments, and explain what memes mean when our busy executives are unable to successfully Google them.
The right candidate will have a minimum of five years of experience in digital-visual vernacular.
Content creation and fluency a must — applicants must possess the ability to quickly summarize trending concepts into PowerPoints for seasoned executives who might lack fluency in “Edgelord.”
Candidates must be able to verify ownership of respected accounts on either “Reddit” or “4chan.”
“Twitch,” “Imager,” “Discord,” and “YouTube” accounts may also be used to prove digital influencer status.
The position will be 100% remote regardless of progression or cessation of the Covid pandemic. There will be no need to ever enter either our Manhattan office or 30 Hudson in New Jersey. You will not be issued a security pass. Call before you arrive. Better yet, never come at all.
Both pants and a shirt are required for all video meetings and shirts with collars are strongly encouraged. We ask that your visible background not contain any of the following:
- Beer or energy drink promotional materials
- Godzilla/Japanese animation posters
- Your mom, vacuuming
We have had such issues in the past and wish to avoid rehashing those conversations.
Goldman Sachs will provide a generous salary, health insurance, two weeks paid vacation, a 401k account with contribution matching, and possible performance bonuses.
Please note that we ask for discretion in this role: we will ask you not to name our company on your LinkedIn, business cards, or at any of the nicer country clubs.
