Van Gogh Applies To Teach Arts & Crafts At His Local Preschool
“I’m eager to influence impressionable young minds.”
To The Principal at the Saint-Rémy-de-Provence:
I hear, through my one good ear, that you are in need of an Arts & Crafts teacher, and I am the perfect person for this position. I worked briefly as an assistant teacher, so I have experience dealing with the challenging ways of pupils, and I have much experience in art. I just completed a productive stay at a local hospital where, while I was being treated for madness, I painted almost 150 paintings in one year’s time. As proof of my abilities, please refer to my enclosed piece: The Grounds of the Asylum. Now, as I await fame for my talents, I’m eager to return to a school setting where I can influence impressionable young minds.
Attached you will also find my resume which details how I recently sold one painting, the first of many which I hope to sell in my lifetime (fingers crossed). You may also be surprised to see that I served previously as a preacher — but it is surely a positive for I can bring the fear of the Lord into the classroom should the children take too much liberty with their glue.
I will utilize many smart measures as a teacher for everyone’s sanity. Only safety scissors will be allowed in my room along with…
