We Apologize For The Lack Of Ghosts On Our Walking Ghost Tour
They’re there, we promise!
So sorry you’re disappointed that you didn’t see any ghosts tonight. We assure you, our tour is very legit. We just can’t predict our ghost’s schedule, you know? Some nights, they’re hanging out in the buildings, smoking a cigar — ready to jump out and make you shit your pants. Other nights, they might be out of sight having afterlife sex. That’s the nature of our business. It’s unpredictable spook!
Our experience is usually full of visits from the deceased. Why, just last night on our 8 PM outing, one of our guests actually had a heart attack when she heard a repeated scraping sound coming from behind the bedroom wall in the brownstone where a man cooked his wife, Edith, on a stove in 1885. We swear we never heard such a thing before and it definitely wasn’t a tape recording of one of us running our nails over a blackboard. That was Edith trying to get your attention. We thought she’d come out again during your tour, but sometimes she’s just shy.
Or, maybe you’ve got an aura about you that blocks ghosts. Have you eaten garlic today? Or were you recently in a hibiscus garden? Have you gone near a stove in the past month? That must be it. You understand, that’s why you didn’t see Edith. We can’t refund your money, she was there. You have to trust…
