We Came To This Isolated New England Town To Form A Militia, Not To Engage In Fun Fall Activities
Men, we want to be intimidating, not “festive,” “artsy-fartsy,” or anything that screams, “Hey, nothing to worry about here, we’re just kids playing army in the woods.”
MEMORANDUM
TO: Green Mountain Boys
FROM: Captain Pain
SUBJECT: Maintaining Militia Discipline
My Fellow Patriots:
Over the past several weeks, I’ve observed some things that make me think you guys aren’t taking your training seriously enough. Do I need to remind you why we came to this remote corner of Vermont? We’re here to form a KICK-ASS MILITIA, not to engage in fun fall activities.
I’ve talked to you about this before, so I’ll make it easy for you guys: CEASE AND DESIST WITH THE ARTS AND CRAFTS.
Just this morning, Destroyer skipped guerrilla warfare and sabotage class to “decorate” the camp. Don’t get me wrong: sprucing up the ammo dump with a pumpkin topiary is a very creative idea. I particularly love the garland weaved with dried leaves, barbed wire, and pipe bombs. And the gourd “cartridge box” painted with skulls —…
