We Noticed You’re Using An Ad Blocker: You Think You’re Real Smart, Huh?
*Cracks knuckles.*
Hi there! Welcome to our website where we provide well researched, in-depth articles for practically nothing! Glad to see you. You’re looking fantastic. Did you get a haircut recently or something? Either way, you look awesome.
Oh, before we let you proceed any further (and this is really kind of awkward for us to have to say), we couldn’t help but notice that it looks like you’re using an ad blocker? I know, I know, you probably didn’t even think about it, but you see, we actually use ads on this website.
I know, pretty weird! It’s actually how we pay for pretty much everything: our staff, web maintenance, food, medicine, rent, and shelter. But I guess you wouldn’t know that what with your head being all the way up your own ass, you big sack of turd.
You must think you’re some kind of computer genius to have installed an ad blocker, huh? Did you learn HTML in fifth grade or some shit? You think the internet is just yours for the taking and you’re above everything, you no good toilet trash.
But hey, to be honest, we admire that kind of intelligence! We enjoy having smart people come to our site to look at the words we’ve written and the videos we’ve made and to be able to contribute to the discourse. We think it’s a match made in heaven. There’s just one little thing we have to get off our chest: You suck so much wet turd. How dare you? Who the hell do you think you are? You think you can just come in here and look at our hard work with an AD BLOCKER ON?! You ungrateful swine. You privileged little man. Who raised you? I’d love to meet the pieces of absolute dumpster muck that brought up a kid like you.
What is it? You can’t stand a little sidebar ad that much? You think a little banner for a sale on Gap Khakis is that atrocious? You’re just that gullible, is that it? You’re scared you’re going to see an ad for two-for-one fitted cotton tees at Nordstrom’s and you’re just gonna clear out all your savings? Is that it? Or wait, is it that you think we’re stealing your data and selling it to government agencies? Guess what, pal. They already know you’re a loser.
Oh, what’s that? You didn’t know it was a big deal? Hey, asshole, how would you like it if I went down to your job and said, “Oh no, please do all the work you do so well, but I’m taking away your money and also I’m not telling you about the next time Macy’s is having a sale on menswear.” You wouldn’t like that so much, would you?
Look, we run a fairly small operation over here. It’s not like we have a bunch of goons who can track you down and teach you a lesson or two. That being said, we do have a few goons, so watch your back, buddy. That being said, it appears like we have two options here. Either:
1) You disable that little ad blocker of yours, or
2) Pay us .99 cents and we’ll give you access to our complete archive and every future piece of content for the rest of your life.
Ball’s in your court, you piece of shit.
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