Welcome To The Hypochondriac Escape Room

To start, enter the room by touching this doorknob that our intern Stan coughs on regularly!

Tara Millette
Published in
4 min readFeb 29, 2020


Pixabay/ Clockedindk

Welcome to Hypochondriac’s Escape Room! A place for the needlessly worried to obsess and nail-bite over a diagnosis they’ll never get. Leave the room in under 60 minutes and you’ll receive a free full body scan. Let’s go!

To start, enter the room by touching this doorknob that our intern Stan coughs on regularly.

Congrats! You entered under the 20 minute mark! Answer this question for your first clue.

You Experience A Random Pain In Your Elbow, Is It:

A) Arm Cancer
B) Brain Cancer
C) Elbow Cancer

Correct! It’s all three!

Uh oh! The phone is ringing! You must answer it!

Mystery Man: “Hello, I am a doctor. I have your results.”

You immediately hung up! Good job! Better to never know and keep worrying!

You’ve unlocked your next clue, a secret door is opening! Behind it is a computer. Do you:

A) Search for nearby pharmacies for ibuprofen, or

B) —

— I see you’ve already logged into WebMD! Great work! Type in your symptoms for clue #4!

You typed in “my head dinks sometimes”! Congrats! The TV turns on!

Watch a bit to see if you can find your next clue!

It’s playing a medical drama. Press the large red button to your right whenever you feel you have the rare disease the beautiful TV patient has.

Congrats! You broke the button in under 30 seconds!

A secret key has been released!

Find the right lock for this key to fit into.

Good job! You unlocked the bathroom cabinet!

Read all the prescription labels and decide which ones you will eventually need when you’re probably diagnosed with adenoid cystic carcinoma!

You selected an expired bottle of Zzzquil! Congrats!



Tara Millette

Tara Millette is a humor and copywriter based in Philadelphia. She is the co-founder and co-editor of The Honeypot Satire. Follow her on twitter @LazyGinger