Welcome To Your Family Portrait Session
Your nephew isn’t in frame but your animosity is
Hi Walters Family, thank you for gathering on what has become inexplicably the hottest day of the year, at this park you have “driven past a few times,” so that we can take photos and make memories. To my left is my assistant who I will introduce very quickly so that you cannot be entirely sure of their name and thus avoid addressing them for the remainder of the shoot. Assistant’s role throughout the day will vary wildly from actually taking seemingly important photos to holding purses and other personal items that may, at any point, be snatched by an animal or roll solemnly down a hill.
I apologize for the long walk to this spot but it’s very special, it’s the only spot that has the perfect combination of unflattering lighting for exactly half of your family. The trek up the hill, through the only bramble patch in the state and that leap over a passed out homeless man will all be worth it when you get the proofs back and truly no one can agree on the best one; in my ad that’s what I meant by “photos that will stay forever in your family’s mind.” I think the sweat from the hike adds a nice glisten to your cheeks, forehead, oh and even most of your back. Don’t worry there’s a 50/50 chance Assistant has the skill to fix in post. There’s also a chance Assistant thinks…
