We’re Your Utility Company And We’d Like To Compare You To Your Neighbors
You should know what your behavior means
Hello! With summer just around the corner, here at your utility company, we’ve decided it’s a great time to give you context into how you’re doing compared to others in your area.
That’s because we care about lowering your utility costs — and also about you knowing how incompetent you are in other areas of your life too.
We’re sharing this information with you so you can make informed decisions to decrease your energy consumption, lower your bill, and finally get your act together and grow the hell up!
How much energy you use compared to your neighbors
Efficient neighbors: 1,222 units
Average neighbors: 1,629 units
You, who don’t care about anyone other than yourself, sleep with all the lights on and run the dishwasher for 3 dirty plates: 2,478 units
How long a box of cookies lasts in your house compared to your neighbors
Neighbors with self-control: 2–3 Weeks
Neighbors who aren’t completely self-indulgent pigs: 5–7 days
